Wednesday, January 03, 2007

I’m a bit too sharp right now

Writing this morning. I was thinking that I would finish yesterday’s work but the morning has invaded and I’m not sure I’m going to get any time to write at all today. I was looking at one of those low residency MFA programs again last night. It’s like a little dream world I live in when I look at those programs. A 20K dream world. If we had that sort of cash laying around, we wouldn’t be spending it on that. A garage maybe, private school for Ana maybe, but not a creative writing MFA program. Mmm, I’m sounding rather whiney this morning aren’t I. And if this dream were important enough to me then I would spend the money on it. And if I did spend the money on it, what would that say about me? The guilt would be crushing wouldn’t it? (she says with a wry smile…)

Okay – one thing that made me smile and one thing that made me wince. I smiled yesterday when I got back to work, I smiled with a big sigh at the thought of a few hours spent in another direction. Life had gotten a bit too much 24/7 kids and house. It was nice to focus on something else for a few hours. I winced yesterday to feel my mood shift into the dangerous negative zone. Eric commented that it was a full moon. He’s right, it is, and I’m a bit too sharp right now. I hate it that I can feel the change but I can’t prevent it.

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