Friday, October 05, 2007

when they are like you

I was talking to a friend yesterday, telling a story about J. As I told the story I realized that I could have been telling a story about myself. They say that we hate in others what we hate in ourselves. I wasn't so much hateful about what I saw in J, I would say it was more of a despairing thing.

Anyone who knows me well knows that I’m fairly non-confrontational. A peacemaker as it were, not to say that I can’t come out swinging, in fact, that’s probably the problem. I won’t confront a situation until I’m pretty good and angry about it. Over time I’ve learned that isn’t such a good habit.

So when I see J continually ducking confrontational situations I despair. These aren’t even really confrontations, they are little things, places where J should be able to come forward and talk, tell his truth. And he would rather not. In fact, he’ll do much to avoid.

I’ll just read the book again instead of asking what I should do when I’ve
finished the book I’ve been assigned.

I’ll agree with her and tell the principal that she accidentally pinched me
instead of asserting what really happened.

I’m not sure how it works for J. Is it just that he wants to avoid people, wants to be left alone? Is it that he wants peace? Is it that he fears being told he’s wrong? Is it just that he wants to be self sufficient?

How do you teach a child that putting yourself out there, risking a little confrontation is a good thing?

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