Saturday, December 16, 2006

Carly Simon, curiosity and depression

Some underworld spy or the wife of a close friend – Carly Simon at her very very best, a great song and a great lyric – making people curious for going on like four decades.
Who is that song about?
I think if you can make people curious you’ve really got them. Curiosity is pretty much the defining element of humanity although I’ve heard a lot of the animal kingdom has the trait.

Maybe that’s what I hate most about the depression; it’s when the curiosity is gone. I love these days, the good days, when I feel like I used to, when I feel like I can do it all and I want to do it all. Of course then I kick myself later because these are those days when I commit to things I won’t be able to do in a week or two. Things that I won’t be curious about then, and then I’ll have to hope that the feeling comes back around again and that the commitment will not crash before the feeling comes round. It’s a real adjustment – getting used to the slide. Some folks liken it to a roller coaster but I don’t like that metaphor, the roller coaster is too predictable, I can see what’s coming and I know exactly when it’s going to get here. That isn’t what this is like. This is like sitting on a slide. But the slide isn’t attached to a ladder on one side and the ground on the other. This slide is attached on each side to a hydraulic lift and I’m sitting in the middle. Both lifts could rise at the same time and I’d feel great. Both lifts could collapse at the same time and I’d feel like crap. That is the easy part. The hard part is when the lifts work independently of each other. Then I slide side to side, up and down praying for it to stop. I can see where I want to be and I’ve got no power to put myself there. All I can do is ride the slide. I can see where I want to be but I have no idea when or if I’ll ever get there again. All I can do is ride the slide.

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